All About Sex

Porn is Good or Bad?

Expert Dr Louann Brizendine has dived inside a man's mind and confirmed what most women long suspected: men are obsessed with sex, hide their emotions, and cheat. According to Brizendine, testosterone causes the 'man trance', where blokes have to stare at ****s, reports The Daily Star. She says: "The best advice I have for women is make peace with the male brain. Let men be men."

Some of the other findings in the expert's new book Male Brain: A Breakthrough Understanding Of How Men And Boys Think are:

1. Men really are sex-crazed: The brain's part inked to sexual pursuit is two-and-a-half times larger in males than females.


2. They're programmed to perv: The testosterone drives what Louann calls the 'man trance' -- a glazed-eye stare at breasts. She says: "I wish I could say that men can stop themselves from entering this trance. But the truth is, they can't."

3. Men want more partners: According to the book, men want an average of 14 sexual partners in their lifetime. Women want one or two. Louann says: "It's postcoital narcolepsy. During orgasm, males release a huge amount of oxytocin in their brains, and it is very sedating. It's not that he doesn't love you."

4. Men lie more about sex: Biologically speaking, men are more comfortable lying to the opposite sex.

5. Foreplay round the clock: In case of women, foreplay is everything that happens in the 24 hours before intercourse. For men it's what happens three minutes before entry Louann says: "The male brain's initial emotional reaction can be stronger than the female. But within 2.5 seconds his face changes to hide the emotion, or even reverse it." The expert doesn't reckon her book justifies bad behaviour. She says: "This is not giving men an excuse to rape and pillage. But men do have a right to give voice to their biological predisposition and have it come in to the dialogue."

Your Guide to Masturbation

Masturbation is the self-stimulation of the genitals to achieve sexual arousal and pleasure, usually to the point of orgasm (sexual climax). It is commonly done by touching, stroking or massaging the penis or clitoris until an orgasm is achieved. Some women also use stimulation of the vagina to masturbate or use "sex toys," such as a vibrator.

Who Masturbates?

Just about everybody. Masturbation is a very common behavior, even among people who have sexual relations with a partner. In one national study, 95% of males and 89% of females reported that they have masturbated. Masturbation is the first sexual act experienced by most males and females. In young children, masturbation is a normal part of the growing child's exploration of his or her body. Most people continue to masturbate in adulthood, and many do so throughout their lives.

Why Do People Masturbate?

In addition to feeling good, masturbation is a good way of relieving the sexual tension that can build up over time, especially for people without partners or whose partners are not willing or available for sex. Masturbation also is a safe sexual alternative for people who wish to avoid pregnancy and the dangers of sexually transmitted diseases. It also is necessary when a man must give a semen sample for infertility testing or for sperm donation. When sexual dysfunction is present in an adult, masturbation may be prescribed by a sex therapist to allow a person to experience an orgasm (often in women) or to delay its arrival (often in men).

Is Masturbation Normal?

While it once was regarded as a perversion and a sign of a mental problem, masturbation now is regarded as a normal, healthy sexual activity that is pleasant, fulfilling, acceptable and safe. It is a good way to experience sexual pleasure and can be done throughout life.
Masturbation is only considered a problem when it inhibits sexual activity with a partner, is done in public, or causes significant distress to the person. It may cause distress if it is done compulsively and/or interferes with daily life and activities.

Is Masturbation Harmful?

In general, the medical community considers masturbation to be a natural and harmless expression of sexuality for both men and women. It does not cause any physical injury or harm to the body, and can be performed in moderation throughout a person's lifetime as a part of normal sexual behavior. Some cultures and religions oppose the use of masturbation or even label it as sinful. This can lead to guilt or shame about the behavior.
Some experts suggest that masturbation can actually improve sexual health and relationships. By exploring your own body through masturbation, you can determine what is erotically pleasing to you and can share this with your partner. Some partners use mutual masturbation to discover techniques for a more satisfying sexual relationship and to add to their mutual intimacy.

Reviewed by the doctors at The Cleveland Clinic Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology

What is Over Masturbation?

First things first. The vast majority of masturbation is completely healthy and positive. There is no data for this, but anything approximating "over masturbation" is very rare. There is no number or quantity of masturbation that is healthy or unhealthy. Masturbation isn’t like candy or eggs, there isn’t a "recommended daily allowance", it means different things to different people, and we all use masturbation differently, in positive and negative ways. So this question needs to be answered on an individual basis, keeping in mind that very few of us actually masturbate in ways that are harmful to ourselves.

If I am over masturbating, will I have to stop masturbating altogether?

No credible health care professional who is working in your best interest would ever tell you to stop masturbating forever. A healthy sexual life includes masturbation across the lifespan, and stopping for a week or two doesn’t mean you have to stop forever. If you feel like your masturbation is a problem you may want to take a break from masturbating for a while and take some time to think about what is going on for you. But you should never feel like taking a break means dropping masturbation from your sexual repertoire. If someone tells you that masturbating is wrong or you need to stop it, they are probably doing so in their own interests, not yours.

Feeling guilty about masturbation is not necessarily a sign of over masturbating.

Many of us are raised with negative messages about our bodies, sex, and specifically masturbation. We respond by feeling guilty when we masturbate. But masturbation is healthy and guilt is not a required part of it. As you go through the questions below it’s important to know that feeling guilty about masturbation doesn’t mean you’re doing it too much. Guilt is a normal response to being told bad things about masturbation. The solution in this case is not to stop masturbating (although you might chose to take a break while working things out), the solution is to deal with your feelings of guilt, to recognize them as unnecessary, and to work towards feeling good about your ability to give yourself pleasure and knowing that masturbation is a part of sexual health.

Is your masturbation causing you distress?

Like any behavior, we can use masturbation for avoidance, as a form of risk taking, or as a way of pushing our own boundaries outside of our comfort zone. If you find yourself consistently feeling bad about your masturbation, either after you’ve masturbated, or when you think about it, then you may want to take a break and figure out why. By distress I don’t mean feeling guilty, as this can be a very normal response for those of us raised with negative messages about masturbation, and surrounded by so many myths about masturbation . But if the amount your masturbating is causing you distress of any other kind, it’s worth figuring out what the problem might be.

Is your masturbation causing (unwanted) physical pain or damage?

If you are masturbating to the point of rubbing your skin raw, or causing any other physical pain or damage that you don’t want, you maybe over masturbating, or masturbating the wrong way. There may be a simple or complicated solution to this (simple being something like using a personal lubricant, complicated being something that involves therapy and more introspection). But if masturbation is resulting in physical pain or discomfort it may be a good time to take a break and figure out what’s going wrong.

Is your masturbation getting in the way of your life in unwanted ways?

You may be over masturbating if you aren’t finding time to work, go to school, and see family and friends because of your masturbation frequency. Here’s an example where masturbating once a day may be perfectly healthy and fine for one person, as they do it when it works best and doesn’t interfere with other parts of their life that are important. But if you’re masturbating once a day exactly at the time you need to be at an important obligation, there might be something more going on. If the rest of your life is being consistently disrupted by your masturbation, it may be a situation where you are over masturbating.

Do you find yourself literally unable to stop masturbating?

While there is nothing inherently harmful or dangerous about masturbation, it can become a compulsion or a focus of an obsession. If you feel compelled to masturbate and truly feel unable to stop masturbating, it is likely that you are over masturbating and need to find some support to explore what’s going on that is compelling you to masturbate so frequently. In situations like this it may not make sense to stop masturbating cold turkey, but might be better to find some supports (family, friends, professionals) before you start to change your masturbation behaviors.

Resources for people who think they may be engaging in chronic masturbation.

Finding a resource depends on where you live, what sort of health care you have, and how involved you want to get in exploring your feelings. If you have access to free sexual counseling services (through an organization like Planned Parenthood or your school) that may be enough. If you have a friend you can trust you may want to talk with them.

Be aware that there are many religious groups and organizations that consider all masturbation to be unhealthy and can take advantage of people who are looking for genuine answers by imposing their own morality at a time of vulnerability.

Victoria's Secret Very Sexy

Great for: A night in.

Wear it with: Your favorite lingerie...or
nothing at all. Lingerie Men Love

If anyone knows sexy, it's Victoria's Secret. This fragrance is a classic, with a floral, oriental blend of vanilla orchid, clementine, musk and white amber. Invite him over for dinner at your place and set the mood with a few spritzes of Very Sexy behind the ears and anywhere else you want him to get close.


Clinique Happy

Great for: The first date. First Date Dos and Don'ts

Wear it with: Your go-to first date outfit, whether it's a cocktail dress or skinny jeans and v-neck top—this perfume is a chameleon.

The fragrance equivalent of "what, this old thing? Just something I threw on!"—Clinique Happy is light and flirty without being overpowering or too sexy. The perfect accessory for a new guy on your arm, the crisp scent is a multilayered, modern blend of grapefruit, boysenberry bush flower, and Hawaiian wedding flower.


Marc Jacobs Lola

Great for: An all-nighter.

Wear it with: Your slinkiest picture-me-naked dress.

It'll be love at first sight...and smell. This gorgeous perfume bottle can stay put on your dresser, because this scent will last all night—and until morning, if he's lucky. A floral, fruity mix of pear and ruby red grapefruit, with floral midnotes of rose, fuschia peony, and geranium, Marc Jacobs Lola is the scent that keeps on giving. Save this one for something—and someone—special, and spritz it on before a long night out on the town. Romance On A Budget


DKNY Be Delicious

Great for: Dinner over candlelight.

Wear it with: Your signature little black dress. Dress Your Way to Better Sex

He won't be able to get enough of you wearing DKNY Be Delicious. The fresh, citrus fragrance smells fresh but sensual, a blend of grapefruit, apple, cucumber, sandalwood, and amber. Go for classic romance with your man and make reservations at your favorite romantic restaurant. But don't be offended if he seems distracted—your dinner won't be the only delicious thing at the table.

A psychological disorder?
Psychiatrists are examining what is commonly referred to as sex addiction, a controversial and often misunderstood condition that has most recently garnered news media attention because of the travails of golfer Tiger Woods. Sex addiction is not recognised by any official diagnosis in the American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), considered the definitive word on psychological disorders, reports the Courier Mail.



Hypersexual disorder
However, the term 'hypersexual disorder' is being proposed for the fifth edition of DSM, due out in 2012. The proposal is being put forward by Dr Martin Kafka, a clinical associate professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, in the US, who says the disorder has been neglected for years. He says it causes everything from marital dysfunction and divorce to increased risk of unintended pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases.



The symptoms
To be diagnosed with the disorder a patient would have to meet four of the following five criteria: 1) Spending a ‘great deal of time’ consumed by sexual fantasies and urges. 2) Using sexual behaviour to deal with stressful life events (or anxiety, depression, boredom or irritability). 3) Disregarding the "physical and emotional harm" to those involved. 4) Patients must have tried but failed to curb the behaviour. 5) Patients must have suffered distress and harm to their everyday life.



Questions remain...
However, the controversial proposal has critics worrying that the criteria are too vague, and the chances for misdiagnosis and bogus pharmaceutical treatment are too great. Dr Paul Fedoroff, director of the Sexual Behaviours Clinic at the Royal Ottawa Mental Health Centre, is a critic of Kafka's hypersexuality criteria. He questions whether sex in response to stress is unhealthy, and what is meant by ‘a great deal of time’ consumed by sexual fantasies.



The debate continues
But Dr Dan Zucker, of the University of Toronto, who heads a working group dealing with the next edition of DSM, expects ‘hypersexuality disorder’ to be listed. He admits the proposal is controversial but says the issue is about where to draw the line on what is normal, and what is not.

If you get the feeling that she’ll be receptive to taking a darker turn in your sex life together, take the first step by revealing some of your secret fantasies. Dole out a little at a time and see how she reacts. Hopefully, she’ll share some of her inner thoughts in return; when she does, make sure you show plenty of enthusiasm for her ideas if you want to get her to have dirty sex. An important thing to keep in mind when having this sharing session is to keep it in the realm of fantasy. Don’t start telling her about dirty sex you’ve had in the past with other women or your whole plot will come to a screeching halt.

Approach the dirty experimentation like it’s new for both of you. Think of something you’ve never tried before and suggest that you try it together. If she knows you’re starting out on a level playing field, she’ll be more likely to let her inhibitions go and get wild with you. If you want to get her to have dirty sex with you and you act like you’re an expert in the area, chances are she’s going to freeze up on you instead of enjoying herself.

So you’re both open to the idea of getting dirtier in bed together. Now, how do you get started? Talking about it is a lot easier than actually introducing the nastiness into your sex life. A sex game might be just the thing to help you get started. Visit a sex shop and check out the card and board games they have for sale. These are usually aimed at couples that want to add some excitement to their love life and they should give you some ideas. Or, use your imagination and make up your own game together at home. The idea is to get both of you to open up and start trying things out. If all else fails, you can always fall back on the old standard of Truth or Dare.

Get each other in the mood by watching porn stars get it on or by reading some stimulating erotic fiction. Even if she’s not normally into watching porn, when you’re trying to get dirty with each other, she may be open to incorporating a video or two. Erotic writing of a less-than-professional caliber can be found all over the internet, but there are also quality sexy stories available from people with actual skill. Take a trip to the bookstore together and pick out something that looks promising.

You are probably going to have to be the one to make the first move if you want to get a little nastier in the bedroom. Even if you’ve piqued her interest, she’s still not likely to start things off herself. Start talking dirty, set the mood and hopefully she’ll follow your lead.

Medomalacuphobia, on the other hand, is the fear of losing an *****ion. Granted, plenty of men feel nervous about going limp, but only those whose lives are crippled by the phobia are diagnosed with the actual anxiety disorder. Male Take: When He Can't Get An *****ion

Gymnophobia is the irrational fear of nudity. Again, don't confuse this with body-consciousness or excessive modesty. Gymnophobiacs actively fear being seen naked, seeing someone else naked, or both. Sexual Anorexia: The Opposite Of Sex Addiction?

Menophobia is the fear of menstruation. We won't lie, the ordeal is a little scary when you really think about it.

Anuptaphobia is the fear of staying single.

Heterophobia, also called sexophobia, is fear of the opposite sex. We think this would be even harder to cope with than the *****ion phobia.

Erotophobia, which is supposedly the most common form of sexual phobia, is the fear of all things sex, be it sexual love, sexual questions, or sexual knoweldge.

Parthenophobia is the irrational fear of virgins and young females.

Tocophobia is the fear of pregnancy and childbirth.

Oneirogmophobia is the fear of wet dreams.

Female Ejaculations

Are there female ejaculations?

Female ejaculation is a release of fluid from the external genitalia associated with sexual activity. Some say this fluid must be released under pressure, while others say it must be associated with the woman's orgasm. Whatever the definition used, female ejaculations are hard to find.

What Women Experience

There is very little research on this phenomenon. Not surprisingly, the more stringent the definition, the fewer the number of women who can be found to have experienced it. In one study, women were stimulated where the supposed G-spot is (on the vaginal wall closest to the stomach) and asked, immediately afterwards, if they experienced a spurt of fluid at orgasm. Only 6% said they did at the time. A total of 13% said they ever had. However, the existence of the G-spot itself is controversial, which consequently makes this view questionable, too.

If one loosens the definition to be a spurt of fluid at orgasm, without specifying stimulation of the alleged G-spot be involved, more women say "yes." However, these numbers may be inflated as these studies also differed by surveying women, instead of testing them directly. In other words, the researchers asked the women to remember their experiences throughout life, rather than having them have sex and report back to the researchers right away. The results of the two studies known varied greatly. One study reported only "a handful" of women experienced ejaculations, while another study showed 39.5% experienced the same. The exact words used in questioning the women may account for the differences. Yet another survey found about 40% of women said 'yes' when a release (as opposed to a spurt) of fluid at orgasm was the criteria.

What is it and where does it come from?

There is also controversy regarding the anatomical structures and the type of fluid that is expelled. Some investigators believe that the fluid originates from structures called the Skene's glands, which exits through the urethra (where urine comes out). Still others believe that the fluid comes from the bladder, and is, in fact urine. An alternate term is orgastic urination. Essentially, this is stress urinary incontinence due to orgasm.

On the other hand, some believe that the fluid is vaginal in origin. It is theorized when the vagina becomes narrowed from engorgement with blood during sexual excitement and then spasms due to orgasm, that this creates enough pressure to eject vaginal fluid.

What does it all mean?

Few women experience a phenomenon that closely resembles male ejaculation, although many report some kind of fluid release. What it is and where it comes from and why (or even if) women do it is still uncertain. If you think you experience it, you are not abnormal. And if you don't, you are not abnormal, either!

CASES of syphilis have increased four-fold in Britain's Facebook capital as users meet up for unprotected sex, it was revealed yesterday.

Figures released last month showed that people in Sunderland, Durham and Teesside were 25 per cent more likely to log on regularly.

And an NHS trust chief said Facebook and similar sites were to blame for a shocking rise in cases of potentially-lethal syphilis in the region.

Professor Peter Kelly, director of Public Health for NHS Tees, said: "There has been a four-fold increase in the number of syphilis cases detected, with more young women being affected."

He said staff had found a link to social networking sites among those infected.

Prof Kelly said: "I don't get the names of people affected, just figures. And I saw that several of the people had met sexual partners through these sites.

"Social networking sites are making it easier for people to meet up for casual sex. There is a rise in syphilis because people are having more sexual partners than 20 years ago and often do not use condoms."

Syphilis cases in Britain fell due to the widespread use of condoms in the 1980s and '90s. It can cause serious heart, respiratory tract and central nervous system damage. But Health Protection Agency figures revealed there were 4,000 cases nationwide last year.



The highest rates are in women aged 20 to 24 and men aged 25 to 34.

In Teesside there were 30 cases last year - but the true figure is likely to be higher.

An official statement said: "NHS Tees is warning people about the dangers of syphilis following a rise in cases of the devastating disease."

Prof Kelly added: "There is a possibility that there is a pool of people who have been infected and that these cases are linked. We don't know where the outbreak originated but it is on the rise."

Studies have shown that adults are more likely to indulge in risky sexual behaviour with partners they meet on the internet.

A spokesperson for Facebook said "The assertions made in reports that Facebook is responsible for the transmission of syphilis are ridiculous. As Facebook's more than 400 million users know, our Web site is not a place to meet people for casual sex - it's a place for friends, family and co-workers to connect and share."

Want to know what women really think about sex? How kinky they’re willing to get? What’s most likely to get them off? How long they want you to last? We’re here to help.

How many times a day do you think about sex?
A) I don’t think about sex every day. - 4.2%
B) 1 - 4.4%
C) 2–5 - 38.2%
D) 6–10 - 26.8%
E) 11–20 - 15.4%
F) 21–30 - 6.9%
G) 30+ - 4.0%

How often do you view porn?
A) Never - 29.0%
B) Once or twice per month - 40.2%
C) About once per week - 15.3%
D) Several times per week - 12.3%
E) Daily - 1.8%
F) Multiple times per day - 1.4%
MEN SAID: D - (40.4%)

How many sex partners have you had?
A) 0 - 3.2%
B) 1–5 - 46.7%
C) 6–10 - 19.8%
D) 11–15 - 11%
E) 16–20 - 6.1%

What is the most sex partners you’ve had in one day?
A) 1 - 69.3%
B) 2 - 24.9%
C) 3 - 4.2%
D) Over 3 - 1.5%

How about in one week?
A) 1 - 47.3%
B) 2 - 35.8%
C) 3 - 12.0%
D) Over 3 - 4.9%

Have you ever had sex with a guy whose name you didn’t know?
A) Yes - 17.3%
B) No - 82.7%

What’s the quickest you’ve slept with a guy after meeting him?
A) Less than one hour - 6.8%
B) 1–5 hours - 25.6%
C) Less than one day - 10.2%
D) 1–5 days - 10.4%
E) 1 week - 8.8%
F) 1 month - 20%
G) Over 1 month - 18.2%

Which of these gifts would you be most excited to receive?
A) Great oral sex - 58.3%
B) Designer high heels - 24.2%
C) A puppy - 17.5%

What percentage of your sexual encounters have occurred while you were drunk or on drugs?
A) 1% - 18.9%
B) 1–10% - 36%
C) 11–25% - 18.2%
D) 26–50% - 13.7%
E) 51–75% - 8.3%
F) 76–99% - 4.0%
G) 100% - 0.8%

MUMBAI The sex scandal that rocked Shivam Vidya Mandir in Saki Naka has opened a can of worms for the principal and founder member of the school.

It has now emerged that Shankar Babulal Srivastava (53), who was suspended for sexually harassing the headmistress of the school's primary section inside his office during school hours on Saturday, had been involved in similar activities for the past 28 years.
Insiders have now revealed that Srivastava had been physically and mentally abusing teachers and students of the school since its inception in 1981.

The matter came to light yesterday after a sting operation by news channel TV9 showed Srivastava sexually abusing the headmistress in his glass cabin.

The victim Anita Sharma (39) (name changed) told MiD DAY, "For the past 12 years, he harassed me both sexually and mentally.

He threatened to fire me if I spoke about it. I kept mum to save my job. He has ruined my career; I'm innocent."

Staff Terrified

The school staff was aware of Srivastava's actions, but chose to keep mum fearing they might lose their jobs.

A male teacher, requesting anonymity, said, "Srivastava would harass teachers during school hours. Peons and other school staff have seen him misbehaving."

Added a former teacher Pramila Seth (name changed), "He also took advantage of me and when I started objecting, he dismissed me."

Around 70 teachers, including 40 females, work in the school and they are all terrified of Srivastava. "Those who raised voices against him were issued memos.

Both parents and teachers were aware that Srivastava would harass teachers and students, but none took any action because of the fear of being thrown out," said a school staff member.

The school's management, which is headed by one Laita Shetty and family members of Srivastava, were hand in glove with him.

"Now, that the matter is out in the open, the management has warned us against uttering a word to the cops against the principal," said another staff member.

While Srivastava is absconding, an FIR has been lodged against him at the Saki Naka police station.